The Toll of “Mommy Wars” Online: Thousands of Women Trapped on Instagram

Researchers reveal how idealized portrayals of motherhood on social media fuel intense frustration, judgment, and guilt among thousands of young women over infant feeding choices.

The Idealized Image of Motherhood on Social Media

The idealized image of motherhood in social media is becoming a source of growing frustration, hate, and guilt for thousands of young women. Discussions on the profiles of popular parenting influencers show that choosing how to feed a child is no longer exclusively a private decision for parents. According to recent research by female scientists from Universitat Pompeu Fabra in Barcelona, exclusive breastfeeding is today equated with the measure of “good motherhood,” and women choosing other solutions face harsh judgment and ostracism.

Bottle-Feeding as Proof of Lacking Commitment

Discussions under the posts of popular Instagrammers often present breastfeeding as one of the most important indicators of good motherhood. Women who cannot or do not want to feed in this way are judged and blamed, according to the study by Barcelona researchers.

Researchers from Universitat Pompeu Fabra in Barcelona analyzed 592 comments posted under 15 posts on five Spanish-language accounts dedicated to motherhood, childcare, and breastfeeding. The women running them had thousands of followers and presented themselves as experts or advisors in parenting and lactation.

As described in the journal “Media & Jornalismo,” in many comments, exclusive breastfeeding was equated with care, sacrifice, and responsibility. Feeding with formula or combining both methods of feeding a child was instead presented as a worse solution or proof of the mother’s insufficient commitment.

Suffering, Pain, and the Struggle Against Social Pressure

The researchers observed numerous critical statements directed at women who gave up breastfeeding. Some users described their own sense of guilt and frustration related to the fact that they failed to exclusively breastfeed their child. Some had to stop feeding upon returning to work, others mentioned pain, health problems, or lactation difficulties. There were also women who continued breastfeeding despite physical pain, considering it a duty to the child and the associated sacrifice as a source of emotional satisfaction.

According to the authors of the study, these comments show a disconnect between the idealized image of motherhood and the daily lives of many women. The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of a child’s life, while parental leave currently lasts 19 weeks in Spain. As a result, some mothers return to work earlier than they would like to finish exclusive breastfeeding.

Despite this, difficulties in combining feeding, childcare, and professional work were most often presented in the analyzed discussions as a woman’s personal problem, rather than the result of system organization, length of parental leaves, financial situation, or lack of support.

The comments also featured descriptions of pressure from loved ones and medical staff. Some women wrote that pediatricians questioned their decision to abandon exclusive breastfeeding. Others mentioned criticism from family members or other mothers.

Instagram mommy wars and the role of algorithms.

As the authors of the publication noted, discussions on Instagram can therefore serve two opposing functions. On the one hand, they allow women to exchange experiences, seek support, and obtain advice. On the other hand, they can promote criticizing individuals who do not realize the traditional model of motherhood.

The researchers explained that such disputes have even gained their own term “mommy wars.” Most often they concern the method of child feeding, the course of childbirth, educational methods, and combining professional work with family care. In their opinion, these conflicts can be additionally reinforced by social media algorithms, which increase the visibility of content that triggers strong emotions and numerous reactions.

The authors also pointed out that the analyzed comments were dominated by the traditional family model consisting of a mother, father, and child. Other models, cultural differences, and economic inequalities affecting women’s opportunities and decisions were rarely considered.

Importantly, many statements featured the theme of loneliness in childcare. Women wrote that most of the duties rest on them, and the participation of fathers in daily care is limited.

The researchers also pointed to the ambiguous role of authors of popular motherhood profiles. Although it seems that they only provide advice, share experiences, and build support communities, at the same time they use their activity to build recognition, professional position, and sometimes also income.